


First of Many: Part II

by wordscavenger



Series: Forget Not The Legacy [7]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Established Relationship, Finn Tries New Things-A Lot Of New Things, Finn and Poe are so ridiculously in love, First Time, Fluff and Smut, Insecure Poe, M/M, Poe's Navy Buddy, Post-Star Wars: The Force Awakens, Stormpilot, dinner date
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-18
Updated: 2016-04-18
Packaged: 2018-06-03 01:44:39
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 12,845
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6591526
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wordscavenger/pseuds/wordscavenger
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Poe and Finn finally go on their first date. This leads to interesting discoveries about Poe's past, their first time being together and their first real discussion about their future.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Date

**Author's Note:**

> This turned out way longer and much more in depth than I anticipated. I hope you enjoy!

**_Chandrila System_ **

“What? What do you mean we’re here? Where exactly are we?”

Poe slid an arm around Finn’s waist and pulled him close, then used the other hand to gesture towards the large skyrise in front of them.

“This, my friend, is the best kept secret in the galaxy.”

They were docked in Hanna City, a bustling metropolis located on the core planet Chandrila that was desperately trying to remain neutral in the battle between the First Order and Resistance after the Order’s merciless devastation on the Hosnian system. In the wake of the New Republic’s ever declining status and the Order’s severe loss after the Starkiller battle, that struggle had only gotten worse.

However, for Finn and Poe, they were taking a break from the war for the night. Instead, the two were focused on the ‘best kept secret in the galaxy’, which was actually small hole in the wall cantina tucked in between two spiraling towers in a less prominent part of the large city. Finn couldn’t make out the name of the place as it broadcasted a series of flashing lights and shapes not in basic but some language he didn’t recognize. The cantina seemed to take up much of the bottom floor of the building, and the windows were tinted so he couldn’t see inside.  

“Are they trying to be a kept secret on purpose?” Finn commented warily. “Because from the outside they’re doing a pretty good job of that.”

“Brat.” Poe said with a small pat on Finn’s bottom to push him forward. “Prepare to take the biggest culinary adventure of your life pretty boy.”

“Pretty-?” Finn started to question but didn’t get to finish as Poe pushed him through the front door, leading to the inside vestibule that faced a look alike cantina from back on D’Qar. However he wasn’t sure if the main difference between both eateries were because this one was decidedly dirtier, the clientele less diverse, or because there was a significant lack of Resistance sanctioned jumpsuits in a variety of unflattering colors scattered throughout the room.

Poe walked past him up to a man at a podium who was carefully poking at multiple large holograms blinking different colors and shapes spread out in front of him, managing what Finn assumed was the tables and waiters. His skin was wine dark red, and his eyes a shade of green Finn wasn’t sure that a word existed to properly describe it. He was dressed in a dashing blue jumpsuit with white stripes that showed off every curve of every muscle Finn could see.

“Hello Dax. Longtime no see.” Poe said, leaning up against the podium with the most charming smile Finn had ever witnessed Poe trying to pull off. He soon realized it could only mean one thing.

“Oh dear. You again.”

Finn had to cover his mouth to keep him from laughing out loud at the man’s droll response.

“Hey!” Poe exclaimed, taking a step back to hold out his hands wide in a defenseless gesture. “Why the cold welcome?”

“Possibly because the last time you were here it was to arrest a loyal and charitable patron of ours.” Dax replied, never looking up once from the hologram. “Leaving not a small amount of destruction in your wake.” He finally glanced up at the frowning man. “As I recall that is your general style, if there’s anything to go by the rumors that you were involved in the First Order’s latest devastating defeat.”

“Well.” Poe said, clearing his throat, “You know how rumors are-”

“Dax. Leave Poe alone.” A voice called out from behind them. Finn turned to see a toned and handsome man around Poe’s age with skin a few shades lighter than his own that brought out his shocking blue eyes and a large smirking mouth. He was dressed in a black t-shirt and pants with a matching apron sporting a smattering of smeared white powder that he was currently wiping his large, strong hands on. Finn didn’t think Poe would take him someplace dangerous on their first date, but he couldn’t help but be wary of every new person he meets outside the base, given his lack of experience living outside of the Order. So if this newcomer or Poe noticed him stepping closer to Poe, just in case, neither outwardly seem to acknowledge it.          

“Anchal.” Poe exclaimed happily as he walked over to the man to grasp his outstretched hand into a strong shake before being pulled in for a half hug, half pat on the back.

“Poe’s an even more loyal patron than that kriffing Order sympathizer Dax.” The man said as they stepped back from their embrace. He placed a friendly hand on Poe’s shoulder. “Dragged him out of here before he could cause any trouble for our very fine establishment.” He chuckled before continuing sarcastically. “Calling us Resistance sympathizers. The nerve.”

“So you say Anchal.” Dax muttered sardonically, then turned back to working quietly on his monitors.

Anchal rolled his eyes at his coworker before turning back to Poe, a wide smile gracing his face. “So you old holotank commander, what brings you down here to slum it with us blaster fodder?”  

Poe turned to Finn, and shifted so he could slide an arm around the man’s waist, making enough space that Anchal had to let go of his shoulder. Finn almost jerked back in surprise, not expecting this act of affection in front of someone Poe knew. But Poe just gripped him a little tighter and pulled him in a little more closer, so Finn didn’t protest. “This is Finn. I wanted to show him a good time with some good grub and I knew there wasn’t any better joint on this side of the galaxy than your place.”

“This side?” Anchal laughed, a low baritone rumbling that gave Finn shivers, before tossing a towel hanging from his apron over his shoulder. “Try every side, up down and back again.” He winked at Finn, but Finn wasn’t sure why. Poe just continued smiling and gripped Finn tighter.

Anchal nodded at Finn, then his eyes widened a bit when he took in the jacket he was wearing. He looked back up at Poe, then Finn again before cleared his throat and said almost salaciously. “And any good time of Poe’s is a good time worth knowing in my opinion.” If Finn hadn’t been so close to Poe he almost wouldn’t have heard the small strangled noise he made in his throat. Finn was about to turn to Poe but Anchal held out his hand towards him. Finn shook it with a firm grip that Anchal seemed pleased by. “Anchal Ruchba. Owner of this credit hemorrhage and head chef. Glad Poe decided to spread his impeccable culinary taste around.” He jerked his head towards the inside of the restaurant. “C’mon. I’ll get you a good table.”

Poe slid his arm down from Finn’s waist to grasp his hand, another surprising act, and flashed Finn a smile before dragging them after Anchal.

They wove through tables until they reached one for two in the back by a window that overlooked a lake in the distance. “Only the best seat in the house for an old Navy brother.” Anchal said and placed his hand back on Poe’s shoulder. “No need for menus. I’ll take care of everything.”

“Thanks Anch.” Poe said, flashing the man a big grin before he walked away.

Finn watched Anchal head towards the kitchen. Once he was inside Finn turned back to Poe and started to hiss, “Poe. Who-?”

But Poe wasn’t listening. He was frowning at the table before he said. “This isn’t going to work.” He stood up and grabbed his chair, then moved it on the side of the table so he was closer to Finn. “Better.” He said when he sat back down again. He reached out and grabbed Finn’s hand but Finn jerked it back.

“Explain. Now.”    

“What?” Poe asked, surprised and a little hurt that Finn wouldn’t let him touch him.

“What? You’re asking me what?” Finn started, frustration flashing through him, then quickly lowered his voice when a couple of nearby patrons looked at him. “Okay you know that I’m no expert on flirting Poe but you and that guy have a history and to me it seems like it was more than just being ‘Navy brothers’.”

“Did it now?” Poe asked with a smirk, not seeming concerned by Finn’s observations. He tried to grab Finn’s hand again but Finn just jerked it away.

“Be honest with me. On our first date, our very first date, did you take me to a place that’s owned by someone you courted? I-I mean dated?” He left it unsaid that if Poe did, this might very well be their last date.

“Finn.” Poe said, and this time when he reached out and grabbed Finn’s hand he caught it and grasped it tight. “No. No I did not.” He watched as Finn visibly relaxed. “That would make me the biggest son of a bantha in the galaxy if I did that.”

“Then all the flirting-?” Finn tried.

“That’s just what he does. Flirt. And he’ll flirt with anything that walks, crawls or slithers in his direction. Trust me that guy’s been a walking sex drive since I first met him at the academy.” Poe shrugged. “But nothing has ever happened between us.” He kissed Finn’s hand. “Nothing will.”

“Bet your X-Wing nothing will.” Finn muttered, still a little unsure. “But you were still really clingy with me back there. What was up with that?”

Suddenly the slightest bit of insecurity crossed Poe’s features. “Like I said. The guys a good flirt.”

Finn blinked, surprised. “You worried I’d think he’s attractive?”

Poe shrugged and seemed very engrossed with the tablecloth. “You shivered a bit when he laughed.”

That admission threw Finn. He remembered that small shiver, but mostly it was because he’d never heard a laugh like that before; deep and throaty but still pleasurable to hear. It was new, and surprising. That was all.

Instead of explaining that, Finn knew what Poe actually needed to get him out of his sudden insecure mood. He reached forward to grab Poe by his jacket and pulled him in for a deep kiss. He felt Poe tense with surprise before he relaxed. He grabbed Finn’s arms and pulled him closer, moaning a bit when Finn pulled back to nip at his bottom lip, then whisper, “Poe…I convulse when your mouth is on me. That back there was nothing.”

“Okay.” Poe panted, quickly adding. “Okay I believe you. Less taking more kissing.” He reached up to Finn’s head to pull him in for another kiss but a voice clearing their throat interrupted them.

“Seriously Dameron?” The two turned to see Anchal, smiling wide but looking a bit surprised and confused. “Commander D making out in a restaurant?” He shook his head as he poured a red liquid substance into their cups. “Never thought I’d see the day.”

Finn shifted away from Poe, but kept his hand in Poe’s to comfort him, then turned to Anchal. He felt better now that he knew there wasn’t any history between the two men, but he still wasn’t sure why, on their first date, Poe brought him to a restaurant owned by a man who apparently tried to hit on anything that breathed. Until he got an answer he decided to have some fun with this unexpected situation. “So Anchal…you knew Poe from his old Navy days?”

Poe stopped lifting his glass halfway to his mouth, turning to Finn with a frown.

Anchal looked up at Finn, then slowly grinned as he quickly caught onto what Finn was trying to do. “Why yes. Yes I did, Finn.” He placed the bottle down on the table before he continued. “This joint is actually where we used to go sometimes when we were done with training or runs. We were stationed here for a long while. It was a bit dumpier then, if you could believe it, but you could get some decent knock off Corellian brandy.” He held out a hand towards himself, “Only if you knew how to charm the waitress.” Then he gestured towards Poe, “Or waiter, of course.”

Poe cleared his throat and shot Anchal an annoyed look before turning to Finn who was grinning widely at the story. “And by charm he means flirting.” He looked back up to Anchal, enunciating slowly. “Nothing. Else.”

Anchal held up his hands. “Commander D didn’t like us using our Navy status to take advantage of anyone, especially those a little starstruck by getting to meet the Navy’s finest pilots in person. Not that we would of course.” He turned to head back to the kitchen, but then suddenly turned back and leaned forward towards Finn. “Or should I say he wouldn’t. I on the other hand have a very loose interpretation of what taking advantage of a situation actually entails.” He winked as he finally walked away.

Poe moaned, clearly embarrassed, and laid his forehead on the table as Finn snickered. “This was a terrible idea.” Poe muttered.

“No.” Finn said when he could breathe again. “No it was a great idea.” He reached forward and placed a hand on Poe’s knee. “I think I know now why you brought me here.”

“I swear the food is really good.” Poe exclaimed as he sat up but Finn just smiled and shook his head.

“You have memories here, don’t you?” He paused. “Good ones. This place means something to you?”

Poe bit his lip and turned away from Finn, bringing his hands up to the table to fold them, unfold them, and then lay them flat. “Okay look. I wanted to take you someplace with good food because I know you’re not exactly loving base’s grub, which I completely get. It’s barely edible if you’re lucky and I don’t blame you for wanting to skip meals even though that’s stopping as soon as we get back.” He turned to Finn, pointing to the man who just sighed and answered, “Fine. You win. No more skipping meals. I promise.”

“So if you keep your promise to do that then I promise to take you out to some places that actually has good food on our dates. Deal?”

Finn rolled his eyes, an act Poe knew he picked up from him because something like that would never have been tolerated in the Order. “Okay. Fine.” Finn answered, “But tell me the truth. Being here, it’s more than that. You could have taken me to lots of other planets closer than this. You took me here for a reason, didn’t you?”

Poe looked at Finn, once again wondering why it never seemed to sink into his skull that this man was smarter than Poe realized. Finally he answered, “Alright. I really do want you to know that there is good, edible food out there, but, okay yeah also taking you here is-it’s a little personal as well.” Poe looked up at Finn who was listening patiently before he continued. “Iolo, Kare, Muran,” he had to pause for a moment to compose himself after mentioning the name belonging to his fallen friend before he continued, “and um a bunch others-we used to come here to hang and unwind after rough runs. Like Anchal said the drinks were cheap and the service was,” he blushed a bit, “uh-serviceable.”

Finn listened, silent, letting Poe allow him into this part of his life he wanted to share with him.

“I don’t know. Being here, it just reminds me of all the good times we had, you know before-from before.” He shrugged, not saying before everything that happened with the Order. “I’m not saying I want to go back. I have a pretty damn good reason for enjoying what I have now.” He squeezed Finn’s hand, smiling when Finn squeezed his hand back. “But, I want to make some new, good memories here. With you. And I really hope you like it here.”

Finn looked around at the shabby interior, at Dax reprimanding a waitress who looked like she was about to cry, and from the kitchen he could hear the loud voice belonging to the man who had flirted with him multiple times since he walked through the door in front of his boyfriend.

He turned back to Poe, smiling wide. “I love it.”


	2. The First Time

_**Later that night...** _

 

The food, Finn had to admit, was damn good.

Spices he’d never tasted. Aromas he’d never smelt. Textures he’d never considered could possibly exist and then melt wonderfully on his tongue. For hours an array of culinary discoveries assaulted his senses until he, and his stomach, could handle no more. One thing was for sure, Poe was right when he said there was definitely better food out there than they got at base.

“And that dessert thing? What was it called again?” Finn later asked Poe as they casually walked back to the ship, hand in hand.

“Chocolate.” Poe answered, his voice low and content as he ran a hand up and down Finn’s arm before tucking it into his side. He let out a dreamy sigh, “That was the big one I wanted you try. Tastiest damn thing in the galaxy.” Then he turned to Finn and whispered against his neck, his breath hot as it caressed Finn’s skin, “Next to you of course.”

Finn shivered and blushed but remained silent.

When they arrived at the public hanger Finn hung back, leaning against some crates as Poe worked on firing up the transport plane they borrowed for their trip. Poe rarely flew anything besides his beloved X-Wing but they both agreed a Resistance plane could draw too much unwanted attention while they were out in public.

At first it seemed like it all things were a go, but when Poe tried to fire up the engine all it did was stutter and die a coughing, gurgling death.

“That doesn’t sound good.” Finn called out as Poe hopped out of the plane and climbed back down onto the permacrete, an annoyed frown on his face.

“It isn’t. The flight core is busted. I have no idea why, it worked fine on our way here.” Poe said before giving the tire of the plane a kick. “Can’t do a damn thing about it until morning too. Every shop within walking distance is most likely closed now.”

“So find a place to crash for the night?” Finn figured, running a calming hand down Poe’s tense back. “You think your old buddy Anchal would mind putting us up?”

“Why are you so quick to suggest spending the night with him?” Poe said heatedly, turning to Finn with narrowed eyes.

Surprised at Poe’s tone, Finn lifted his eyebrows and took his hand off Poe’s back. After a moment of silence he just said. “Poe.”

Suddenly Poe’s eyes softened. “Kriff. Kriff I’m sorry.” Poe quickly said, running his hands through his hair and shaking his head. “I’ve had too much brandy. That was a stupid thing to say. I’m sorry.”

Finn folded his arms. “I did not know this jealous side to you was so big.” He tilted his head, considering. “Is there anyone back at base whose life I should be worried about if they wish me a good morning a little too nicely?”

“There might be a list.” Poe admitted sheepishly. “Please, I’m sorry.”      

“It’s alright.” Finn said, a little amused by this new information. When Poe still looked worried Finn rolled his eyes and grabbed his lover, pulling him tight against his body to whisper. “If it makes you feel better I get jealous when that new dock hand comes over to pretend to help you do post flight maintenance when really she just wants to check you out when you’re all sweaty and a mess.”

Poe grunted in surprise. “She does?” He groaned and buried his face in Finn’s neck. “She’s like nineteen.”

“Seventeen actually.” Finn laughed when Poe groaned even louder. Eventually Poe stepped back and said, “Okay. Enough of me being stupid and ruining our date. Let’s find a place to crash for the night.”

“You’re not being stupid and you’re not ruining anything.” Finn said softly, grabbing Poe’s hand. “But I agree with you about finding a place to spend the night.” He offered him a sly smirk. “But I think crashing might be something we can put off for a while. Right?”

Poe’s eyes widened as he began tugging Finn towards the hangar’s exit. “Most definitely. I like the way you think.”

It took nearly an hour in a sudden rainstorm but eventually they found a small lodging area not too far from where the public hangar was. While dripping puddles onto the floor of a sparse lobby Poe spent a good ten minutes haggling with the owner, who he was sure was trying to rip them off, for a room until Finn who was cold, wet, tired and just wanting to get inside a warm room finally walked over to the two bickering men and said, “Deal. Whatever it is, deal.” Then paid the man and dragged a stuttering Poe to their room.

“I could have gotten at least twenty more credits off that price!” Poe grumbled as Finn slid the data card against the door to unlock it. He leveled Poe with an annoyed stare before the other man folded his wet arms and said. “Fine.”

Finn just rolled his eyes and opened the door to walk inside and survey their room. He was stunned to see that it was much larger than he expected. A wide living area with a large circular fire pit, already lit aflame, warmed the dim room in a soft flickering glow. A bed was off to the far left side with a small kitchenette and a few closed doors by the right. In front of him, across the room, a large set of windows and doors overlooked the city, leading out to a balcony.

“Poe.” Finn said, his voice filled with surprise as he walked inside towards the fire, “This place is really nice.” He turned to look at Poe as he slid off his jacket to lay it on one of the couches before he started working on his shirt.

“It’s uh-” Poe began, looking down at his soaked boots as he toed them off, “It’s the honeymoon suite.”

“What?” Finn’s hands stilled as his damp shirt was halfway off his body. He hadn’t a clue what a honeymoon was, and how that made this room nicer than other lodging areas.

Poe still couldn’t bring himself to look at Finn. “I was hoping, if you were interested, um,” Poe faltered in his words as he ran a hand along the back of his neck, a nervous habit he picked up from Finn, “that maybe we could make this night kind of special?” _Smooth Dameron_ , Poe thought. _Smooth as a crash landing_. “And I wanted it to be in a nice kind of place. Not some cheap dump. Not some-you deserve better than Anchal’s spare cot okay?” Poe continued to ramble, glancing at Finn only to feel his throat tighten when he realized he was now shirtless and looking at him with an amused smirk.

Finn regarded his nervous lover hovering by the door, his hands cupping his belt in thought. The warmth of the fire licked along his scarred back pleasantly, and he slowly began to pick up what Poe was too nervous to ask. Besides the crackling flames, silence reigned heavily in the room for a good few moments. Eventually Finn beckoned Poe over. “C’mere.” He said quietly.

Poe sighed as he walked over to Finn, allowing the man to reach out and begin helping him take off his damp jacket. “Gotta get you out of these wet clothes.” Finn said and Poe looked up into his lover’s smiling eyes and felt himself relax a fraction. “Can’t have you flying us back to base if you’re too sick to steer.”

“Can fly anything anytime.” Poe tried joking back, but his voice felt stiff and forced. He went to work on Finn’s pants, unbuckling the belt after Finn unbuttoned the top his long sleeve black shirt to slide it off easier.

When they were fully undressed Poe suddenly stepped away to quickly bend down and grab their clothes, bundling them up in his arms. “I’m gonna hang these up in the ‘fresher, let them dry so we aren’t sitting in swamp clothes on our way home tomorrow.” He tried to make his voice sound light, but he knew the strain as easy to hear.

“Poe-” Finn began but Poe was already heading towards the refresher. “Be right back.”

When he shut the door behind him he dropped the clothes on the floor and flicked the light on, then turned to grasp the sink tightly, taking slow even breaths as his mind raced with a million questions. He knew Finn would say yes if he asked. He knew the man was as ready for this step as he was; or was he? What if Finn hated what Poe liked? What if Poe went too far? What if Finn decided this wasn’t the kind of relationship he wanted with Poe?

Exhausted, Poe just rested his head against the glass and finally told himself to just shut up. There were too many what if’s and he would just end up hiding in the refresher like a damn bantha all night if he let them consume him. He and Finn loved each other, and they would figure out this part of their relationship the same way they did with every other aspect of their relationship. Together.

Finally letting go of the sink, Poe turned and hung up their clothes, something he actually really did want to do before they got too distracted. He took his time to practice what he was going to say and how he would word it. He wanted this to be perfect, but he didn’t want Finn to feel obligated to do anything he didn’t want to do.

Eventually when he finally finished he took a moment to steel himself before opening the door.

And then lost his breath right there.

Finn looked beyond beautiful as he stood by the fire, his hands held aloft over the flames to let them grow warm by the intense heat. His entire exposed body had waves of soft light from the blaze caressing his body in a way that made Poe’s fingers twitch with jealousy. Love and lust swirled around Poe’s heart and mind, and he sagged against the doorframe, overwhelmed with desire.

Finn felt Poe staring and turned around, a large smile gracing his features when his eyes rested on Poe. “Hey.” He said quietly. And that smile, that love was all for him, Poe realized suddenly.

Finn walked over to Poe who was frozen in his spot. He felt like he was the virgin in the room, he was so nervous.

“Hey.” Finn said again when they were close. He reached out and took Poe’s hands, tugging him further into the room. “Let’s get you by the fire so you don’t freeze okay?”

Poe could only obey, as he normally did when there was a naked Finn in front of him. If he didn’t feel like he was about to keel over with nerves, Poe might have found it a bit funny that his lover, who once only knew little more than a basic understanding of sex, still hadn’t a clue as to just how incredibly attractive he was. How much power he had over Poe without even realizing it.

Before Poe knew what was happening they were suddenly by the fire. Apparently while he was hiding in the bathroom, Finn had been busy creating a large makeshift bed using the pillows and blankets he had brought over from the bed on the other side of the room. It looked comfortably welcoming to him.

“Fire pit looks nice.” Finn explained as he tugged the man down onto the sea of blankets and pillows, “But the heating distribution definitely doesn’t travel well in this room. It was freezing over by the bed.”

“Um. Right.” Poe answered dumbly, watching as Finn mirrored his kneeling position on the sheets, looking at him with a soft smile. He reached out and grabbed Finn’s hands, grasping them tight when he realized he wasn’t breathing quite right because of nerves. He wondered what kind of force Finn had over him where he completely loses any sense of composure or cool around him. It was a question he didn’t think would ever have an answer for.

“Poe.” Finn said in a hushed voice, smiling. “Relax.” He brought his hands up to rub them against Poe’s arms. “What’s wrong? You always get like this before we try something new. If you don’t want to do this we don’t have too-”

“I do!” Poe suddenly cried out, startling himself and Finn. “I mean. I do. I really do want to be with you.”

“Then what’s the matter?” Finn whispered.  

“Don’t want to hurt you.” Poe said, reaching out a hand to cup Finn’s cheek, love overwhelming his senses when Finn closed his eyes at Poe’s touch and turned his face to kiss his open palm.

“Didn’t know sex could hurt.” Finn whispered, opening his beautiful brown eyes to regard Poe questioningly. “Everything so far’s been pretty enjoyable.”

“It-it’s definitely a little more…invasive then what we’ve done before.” Poe admitted.

“I think I can handle that.” Finn said, then leaned forward to start kissing Poe’s neck. The fire, a gorgeous naked Poe and the anticipation for what was about to come was slowly driving Finn crazy with desire to get this show started.

Poe let out a sigh at Finn’s touch, bringing up a hand to rest it gently on the back of Finn’s neck. “The gentlemanly thing to do would be to offer to bottom for you since it’s your first time. Make you more comfortable with the whole thing. It-it’s just,” he paused to take a deep breath, pushing his overwhelming emotions aside to begin another rambling session, “I’ve had some not so great experiences in the past and I don’t bottom well but I don’t want to hurt you either-”

“Okay. No problem I’ll just do the bottoming then.” Finn said casually as he pulled back, an easy grin on his face, “Just tell me what to do.”

Poe had to crack a small smile at Finn’s use of the word bottom. But it quickly fell as he continued. “Finn, no. It’s fine-”

“Poe.” Finn said, his voice taking on that serious tone he used when Poe was being insecure and indecisive. “I don’t want my first time with you to be just fine. I’ve told you a thousand times this is about both of us, not just about me. So, please, will you just show me how to do this?”

Poe was silent for a moment, staring intently into Finn’s eyes as he searched for any trace of hesitation. When he found none, he sighed, knowing he wasn’t going to win this argument.

He leaned forward and gave Finn a small kiss before pulling back to whisper, “Alright.” He slid his arms around Finn to pull him closer. “But you have to tell me if you don’t like it. I swear I will stop the second you aren’t comfortable with anything.”

“Yes sir.” Finn said with a cheeky smile, having heard the same speech before whenever they tried something new. Poe had to hold back a sudden moan that was threatening to escape when he heard Finn call him ‘sir’.

“That might have turned me on more than it should.” Poe admitted with closed eyes.

“Really?” Finn said, then smiled salaciously as he said, “Then lead on,” he shifted to whisper hotly in Poe’s ear, “Commander Dameron.”

Before Finn had finished saying Poe’s last name, Poe had pulled Finn down onto the makeshift bed, devouring his mouth with an intensity Finn had been trying to goad out of him since they first arrived in the room. 

Finn moaned appreciatively as Poe’s hands roamed all over his body, slowly making their way down to grasp his hips and then rock his own body along Finn’s, their members brushing smoothly together.

“Poe.” Finn moaned, reaching out to run his hands through Poe’s hair then gently tug it. His movements activated Poe’s well known kink, rewarding him with a low growl of untethered lust from his constricting throat before Poe shifted to begin attacking Finn’s neck with nips and kisses in all the areas that he knew drove Finn wild.

And he succeeded. It wasn’t long before Finn was a panting mess under him after he eventually made his way up to nibble on Finn’s ear.

Finn could only moan an incomprehensible string of syllables before he slid his hand over his hip to try and grab his already leaking member.

But Poe caught the movement. “Hell no. Mine.” Poe roughly said, grabbing Finn’s hands and then shifting onto his knees so he could pin them above his head. “No touching until I say so.”

“Please Poe.” Finn begged through half-lidded eyes, “Please. I want you to show me what I’ve been missing.” He shifted, trying to get more friction for his aching member. “Need you.”

But Poe waited a few moments, drinking in the sight of Finn spread out beneath him, panting and begging to be touched. It excited and warmed him, knowing that this was a sight that, as long as he had a say in it, he would get to enjoy for the rest of his life.

“I’m going to go get something. But I don’t want you to move, got it? You stay just like this or I’m going to make it twice as long before I take care of you.” Poe said threateningly before he leaned down low and caressed his lips against the side of Finn’s ear, “And that’s a direct order from your Commander.”

Finn could only shiver in response, taking in a deep breath as Poe slowly let go of him.

Poe stood and walked back towards the ‘fresher, flicking on the light to find his jacket. For half a moment he thought about how different he felt now than when he was last in this room, but discarded that thought for another time. After going through three different pockets he finally found what he was looking for.

When he left the ‘fresher he found himself once again lingering by the door. Finn was exactly in the same position he left him in: arms above his head, one leg bent at the knee while the other was at an inviting, open angle. The rest of his tight body trembled with desire.

“You’re beyond beautiful.” Poe said as he walked back to Finn, dropping onto his knees to start giving warm, open mouth kisses to the top of Finns knee and then work his way down the open thigh. He crawled between Finn’s legs, his hands caressing the dark warm skin, and listened to Finn’s panting as he made his way towards Finn’s member.

“Poe. Wait.” Finn said, and Poe paused, looking up at Finn curiously.

“I want to take care of you first.” He took a moment to swallow, his throat dry from his heavy breathing, “Please.”

Hearing Finn beg to go down on him was most likely the most erotic thing Poe could ever hear in his life. And as much as he wanted to, he shook his head.

“Not this time baby.” He answered, placing a calming hand on Finn’s hip when he started to protest. “Normally I’d love to say yes, but what I’m going to do to you will help get you prepared. And also if you go down on me now it will significantly shorten how long I’ll be able to hold myself together when I’m inside you.” He gave Finn a small smirk, “I taught you too well.”

“But-”

“Trust me love.” Poe whispered, kissing Finn’s hip. “We have all night.”

Finn gave Poe the closest thing to a pout he’d ever seen on the man. Showing disappointment or reacting negatively to a decision is something Poe realized on his own that had been trained out of Finn since birth. Because of that realization Poe had months of teaching himself how to read Finn’s emotions since they could be so hard to decipher at times. However it was interesting to see how Finn sometimes bypassed those reactions and instead showed himself to be a bit bossy when they were being together. Poe was never sure what was going to come out of Finn’s mouth next.

But since Poe was showing Finn how this was done, he instead just nodded and laid his head back, clenching his fists when Poe finally swirled his tongue around his dark member. Poe took his time, making gentle love to Finn with his mouth. Finn was beyond vocal in responding to Poe’s unending techniques to make him moan and shudder in pleasure. It was rare occurrence when they didn’t have to worry or care about the neighbors hearing them and Finn intended to make the most of it.

Eventually Poe pulled back, smiling at Finn’s gentle begging for more. “Shh honey. You’re alright.” He said calmly as he ran soothing hands up and down Finn’s hips and thighs. He waited until Finn got his breathing back to normal before he asked, “I’m going to move onto the next part alright? Remember what we talked about?”

When he and Finn first began their intimate, physical aspect to their relationship Poe made a list of all the sex based things Finn didn’t learn with the Order. While Finn was familiar with intercourse between men and women, he hadn’t a clue about anything else beyond that. Especially how two men could have pleasurable intercourse together. It was a long conversation with Poe describing in clear detail what would happen if they did end up having sex. But the part Poe remembered the most was where Finn took the datapad and said, “Okay. I’m going to read off the list now. Tell me what you like and what you don’t like. Then I’ll make a list off that with what I want to try. Is this what people do? Is that okay?” That had startled Poe for a moment; he wasn’t used to someone caring so much about his feelings in bed, about what he wanted as well, but Finn just looked at him expectantly and he knew Finn was sincere about making sure they did what Poe wanted as well.

“Fingers.” Finn panted before taking in a breath. “You’re going to use your fingers to stretch me out right? So my anal cavity will be looser for when you use your penis?”

 _Oh Force_. Poe had to pause and run a shaky hand through his hair at hearing Finn describe what he was about to do to him because its logical tone and wording made it sound so incredibly dirty coming from Finn’s mouth, giving Poe ideas he quickly tucked away for a later time.

“Ye-yeah. That’s it.” Poe could only reply as he grabbed the small bottle of lube he had tucked away in his jacket in case the evening went in this direction. His hands were shaking so hard he almost dropped the bottle, but eventually he got his fingers coated with the clear substance.

“Just tell me if you don’t like it okay? It’s not always for everyone and-”

“I promise. I promise I’ll tell you just please I swear to the Force if you don’t do something I’m going throw you down and jack us both off.” Finn demanded and then used his hands to push himself closer to Poe.

“You are by far the bossiest bottom I have ever been with.” Poe chuckled, a little wondrous at Finn’s words and actions.

“No talking about other lovers when we’re doing this Poe.” Finn huffed, giving Poe a glare. “Now please.”

“Alright. Alight.” Poe laughed, feeling a little more calmed by their familiar banter. He slid a coated finger along Finn’s hole, feeling the man tense and shift a bit at the unfamiliar touch. He nosed along Finn’s member, intoxicated by the smell of the man, and when he slowly slid a finger inside, simultaneously he took Finn’s member back into his mouth.

“Unh. Poe!” Finn exclaimed, shivering at the multiple feelings assaulting him at once.

Poe worked his finger into a slow, gentle rhythm to match the movements of his mouth. He hoped the pleasure would outweigh the discomfort he knew Finn was feeling. He could hear Finn taking even breaths to calm himself, which Poe had suggested he do if he ended up being the bottom when they eventually had intercourse. Of course Finn would remember, Poe thought.

When Poe felt Finn was loose enough he gently added in a second finger, making sure to speed up this movements to override the burning stretch Finn would undoubtedly feel.

“Poe.” Finn chanted over and over, until Poe was able to slide his fingers further into Finn, then press down on the familiar spot he had been searching for.

“Poe ah!” Finn exclaimed, reaching out to grab Poe’s hair. “Is-is that-?”

Poe only nodded and pressed it again. Finn jerked and reached out to thread his fingers into Poe’s hair to gently pull him off his member, “You keep doing that I’m going to come.” Finn said, craning his neck to look at Poe’s position between his legs with his fingers inside him and then back to his face with his lips stained red from mouthing him. He moaned and rocked his hips a bit, unable to stop himself, and jerked in pleasure when Poe curled his fingers once more.

“Well that _is_ the point.” Poe teased.

“Just move onto the next part please? I don’t think I’m going to survive until then if you keep doing this.” Finn begged as he let go of Poe’s hair to push himself up onto his elbows.

But Poe shook his head, “Not yet. I have a three finger rule and I’m not going to run the risk of hurting you. You’re one away so you just got to be a little more patient.” When Finn groaned and threw his head back in frustration Poe gently placed a hand on Finn’s chest, pushing him back to laying again. “I’ll try adding it now but if you’re too tight you just have to wait. But I won’t go down on you anymore if you don’t want me to. Is it too much?”

“Just-I want to hold it till you’re inside me.” Finn confessed quietly.

Poe looked over Finn fondly and said, “Alright. I won’t tease you too much.” He shifted to resume his movements with his fingers, slowly twisting and turning them in a slow, slick succession.

After a few more tries he eventually got in the third finger, causing a panting Finn to moan out excitedly, “Yes!”

Poe chuckled, “Give it a minute then we’ll move on.”

“Stalling.” Finn said and pushed himself further onto Poe’s fingers.

But Poe grabbed his hips to still him and said, “Easy. Easy you can tear if you do too much too fast. You know that.”

“M’not going to tear Poe. C’mon-” 

“Are you going to be this difficult every time we do this?” Poe asked, smiling at the thought that there would be many, many other times in their future.

“Only if you aren’t going to listen.” Finn answered petulantly.

“Oh Force.” Poe exhaled, slowly pulling his fingers out which caused Finn to hiss and then whimper a bit at the sudden loss. “I have a feeling we might need to add spanking to our list if you keep mouthing off like that to me.”

“Spanking…” Finn whispered as he closed his eyes, trying to remember what the word meant. Then his eyes suddenly flew open and they were darkened with lust. “Mm. Yeah we might have to keep that one in mind.”

The fact that Finn would be into that caused Poe to look upwards and wonder how he was ever going to survive this relationship. He was pretty sure he would die from an overabundance of all consuming lust; yet what a way to go.

“Okay. Okay. That’s definitely a conversation for later.” He said as he poured more lube onto his hands to slick up his member. “Let’s just focus on now. Turn around and get on your knees. It’s a good first position-”

“No! I-” Finn interrupted then stopped and sighed, trying to find his words. His hesitation surprised Poe, who realized whatever was going on in Finn’s made him feel vulnerable, an emotion Finn had trouble dealing with. He remained silent to let Finn process what he wanted to say.

Eventually Finn asked, “You said that one of the positions was you on top, right? Can-we can do that one right?”

“It could hurt more.” Poe said, worrying his lip at the thought of hurting Finn.

“I just, look I need to know it’s you okay? It just-it has to be you I’m looking at when we do this.” Finn looked away, his cheeks burning at his confession.

For a split second it felt like Poe’s heart had stuttered to an abrupt stop. Finn had sworn up and down that he’d never been sexually taken advantage of by anyone in the Order, something Poe begged him to be honest about before they took their physical relationship further. If he had been Poe was petrified that he would say or do something to hurt Finn unknowingly. He believed him when Finn said he hadn’t, but now his words made him think twice. It was definitely a fear Poe had harbored after the dust from the Starkiller battle settled and he was left with countless silent hours by Finn’s hospital bed, desperately trying not to imagine the kind of miserable life Finn had lived before they boarded that ill-fated Tie Fighter together.

After a moment Poe shook his head to clear his thoughts. No, he knew Finn was telling the truth. Not only because he trusted the man but after everything they’d done so far, if Finn had been abused he figured something would have triggered that emotional trauma by now.  

“Finn.” Poe whispered, “Are you nervous?”

“No.” Finn exclaimed so forcefully Poe knew it was a lie. The prostate man sat up onto his elbows and glared at Poe, challenging him to disagree.

Poe held back a chuckle, but failed at forcing his grin down. He crawled over to Finn, whispering, “I’m nervous too.”

“I’m not-” Finn tried again but Poe cut him off by pressing their lips together. He kissed him forcefully, pressing his tongue inside and brushing their hips together. Finn moaned at Poe’s touch, a quiet begging for more.

Poe continued his actions, slowly building back the lust that had gotten sidetracked during their conversation. Touching on every point that drove Finn crazy, Poe ran wandering hands and eager teeth and lips all over him. Eventually he had the man back to panting and writhing in need beneath him.

“Poe.” Finn, begged, “I’m ready.”

“Hm.” Poe teased. “It’s been a bit since I fingered you. Better make sure you’re still stretched out.” He really did want to make sure Finn was okay. The idea of hurting him was always at the back of his mind.

“I swear by the Force Poe-” Finn began but his sentence was lost in a grunt as he felt Poe slide a finger back inside him. He then gasped as a second one was added and curled his hand into a fist against Poe’s chest before looking into Poe’s eyes. “Please. I can’t-.” 

Satisfied that Finn was stretched and slicked enough, he crook his fingers, causing Finn to jerk and almost whimper, before sliding his fingers out.

“You’re a horrible person.” Finn gasped as Poe repositioned them. He hooked Finn’s legs over his arms and pulled him closer to adjust them before connecting his member against Finn’s flesh. “Yeah yeah.” Poe answered back. “You’ll be singing a different tune in about five seconds.”

Drawing from a tenderness he didn’t know he possessed, he slowly pressed inside himself Finn, whispering quiet sweet things to the heavily breathing man beneath him.

“Easy. Just like that. Slow breaths. This part will be over soon.” Poe leaned forward to gently rest his forehead against Finn’s. “Tell me to stop if it’s too much.” He whispered as his entire body trembled.

“Don’t. You. Dare.” Finn breathed out, then threw his head back and let out a stuttered gasp as Poe finally sheathed himself entirely inside him. The feeling of the two of them finally becoming connected like this was unlike anything he could have imagined. He had never felt so close to Poe before, and now, even at the most vulnerable state he’d ever been in, he had never felt so safe.

When Poe remained still even after Finn was finally feeling calmer and the stretch wasn’t burning quite as much, he brought his hands on Poe’s bare hips and rubbed slow circles as he asked. “Why aren’t you moving?”

“Got to wait for you to adjust.” Poe gritted out, ignoring his entire body begging him to do the exact opposite. Finally being inside Finn was an intense pleasure slowly burning him alive from the inside out.

“You can-” Finn began but Poe harshly answered. “No. Just wait Finn. Please just trust me.” He brushed his forehead against Finn’s cheek and down to rest against his neck, letting out sharp, hot exhale. “Just-trust me I-I can’t risk hurting you I can’t-” His voice was desperate with strain and Finn could hear fear edging along each word.

“Okay.” Finn quickly said, bringing his hands up to tangle his fingers in Poe’s now very messy dark locks. “Okay whatever you say. I trust you. I’ve always trusted you.” He tugged gently, an act he knew Poe loved when they were together, and brought their lips crashing together for a smoldering kiss. The adrenaline fueling their bodies made them wild for each other’s taste and Finn could attest he would never get enough of Poe pressing himself against him, demanding more with every swipe of his tongue, every nip of his bottom lip, and never a useless word to interrupt.

Eventually Poe could hold back no more and slowly pulled himself back with his hips, and reluctantly from the kiss, to slowly slide back inside Finn, gauging the man’s face for any indication of discomfort or pain.

But Finn merely moaned, his fingers tightening where they remained firmly gripping Poe’s hair, and whispered, “Yes. Again. Please.” Finn didn’t care how wonton and desperate he sounded, he would get on his knees and beg for more if it meant Poe would give it to him.

Poe happily conceded, repeating his movements slowly, allowing Finn to get used to the feeling of their bodies connecting, becoming one in the way he’d dreamed about for so long. Despite his body’s aching desire to take Finn as fast and hard as it wanted, Poe knew he had to take it slower for Finn’s sake. It was his first time, and he deserved to have every moment savored, not wasted in a frenzy of lust and need. He wished he was one of the creatures who could last for hours, showing Finn every position and pace under the stars at once, but he was only human, and no longer a very young one at that. But he was experienced and prided himself on a being a giving lover. As long as Finn was in his arms, in his bed, Poe would do everything in his power to make sure each time they were together, it would be worthy of Finn’s love.

And so far he seemed to be succeeding. Finn was meeting every thrust with a pleasured moan or choked gasp. He soon looked up into Poe’s eyes and asked. “C-can you go faster? Is that a thing during sex?”

Poe was glad, in that moment, that they had already confessed their love for each other. Because if they hadn’t, he knew there was no way he could look into Finn’s beautiful dark eyes staring at him half lidded with lust as his sinfully perfect mouth formed those words, and not confess to Finn that his heart wholly belonged to him.

But they had, and Poe knew that Finn understood how much he cared for him. So he could easily answer, “Anything,” and not have to worry about breaking down into a babbling lovesick mess. Before he shifted to meet Finn’s request, he kissed him once more.

But Finn was having none of that. Poe was soon beginning realize that even though he was the one topping, Finn was most definitely the one ready to call the shots when he tugged at Poe’s hair again and said, “Kiss later, more now.”

“If I go faster, I’ll come sooner.” Poe warned.

“Night’s still early. We got time. Go.” And he even gave Poe a little swat on his ass for good measure.

 _Okay, we are definitely going to bring spanking into the mix_ , Poe thought as he shifted. _This boy needs to be taught some patience in bed._

“As you wish.” Poe conceded, and then gave into his body’s desperate desire by quickly pounding away at Finn, sliding quick and easy in and out of the moaning man.

“Oh stars.” Finn ground loudly as he threw his head back, his entire body shifting as it meet every hard thrust Poe gave. His fists clenched the sheets below him as mouth fell open as it panted with desire, a mantra of, “Yes. Oh Poe _yes_ ,” spilling out without stopping.

“Touch yourself.” Poe gritted out, already feeling himself reaching the edge.

“W-what?” Finn asked, half opening his eyes in confusion.

Poe couldn’t speak, he was so close to loosing control but didn’t want Finn to miss out on being taken care of as well. He stopped his movements, causing Finn to gasp and jerk his hips and then moan out, “No!”

Poe grabbed Finn’s hand and brought it to his member, then said, “Stroke yourself. Just like I showed you. I want to watch you come for me.”

Finn nodded, his head moving in a quick, jerking succession as he begged. “Okay fine yes please move please Poe please _please_.”

“You’re so desperate for it.” Poe whispered teasingly as he picked up his pace. But he couldn’t keep it up, because Finn was looking amazing in the firelight and love clenched his heart into a tight fist. “So beautiful Finn. You’re so amazingly perfect how the Force did I get you to love me?” Poe panted those words as he watched Finn beneath him stroke himself, fueling the pleasure Poe was giving him.

“Love you so much.” Finn replied as he tried to keep his eyes open to watch Poe move above him. But pleasure was building fast as it swirled around his abdomen and he clenched his eyes shut as he harshly whispered, “I’m coming.”

“Don’t hold back baby let it out I’m right behind you.” Poe cried out, shifting back to increase his movements so he could watch Finn gasp, throw his head back, and then fall apart into a million beautiful little pieces in his arms.

The sight of Finn lost in sheer pleasure nearly had Poe mesmerized, but he couldn’t stop because he wasn’t lying when he said he was close as well. After Finn took a couple breaths to steady himself he slid his hands back into Poe’s hair, pulled him close against his lips and then whispered, “Your turn.”

He didn’t have to speak twice. Poe shouted loud and clear as his body tensed and his hands clenched around Finn’s hips, finally reaching his climax as he emptied himself inside the trembling man wrapped around his body.

When Poe had no more to give he used the last bit of strength he had to slowly pull himself out of Finn, brushing soft kisses along the side of Finn’s temple to hush his hissing, then collapse on his side. Once separated Finn was on him in an instant, and they were consumed with an unyielding need to touch and kiss and caress every open space they could reach.

“That was perfect.” Finn whispered from where he had been kissing the skin above Poe’s heart. “Thank you for that. Thank you so much.”

Poe stared at the ceiling, feeling the adrenaline slowly leave his body exhausted as his breathing gradually came under control. He ran a shaky hand through his hair, then turned to Finn who had laid his head on the spot he had been loving on earlier. He regarded Poe with sleepy but satisfied eyes.

“You ever had any doubt?” Poe tried in a joking tone, but his smile faltered when Finn reached out to grasp his trembling hand and bring it to his lips, kissing the knuckles one by one before he answered, “Never.”

Emotion overwhelmed Poe as Finn shifted to lay next to him, wrapping an arm around his midsection as he tucked his head on Poe’s shoulder, bringing up blankets to cover them both. Poe grasped onto Finn tight, desperate to feel the man next to him.

“Love you Finn.” Poe whispered. “Force do you even have any idea how much I love you?”  

“Hopefully it’s close to how much I love you.” Finn answered, looking into Poe’s eyes. The two regarded each other for a moment, then met again for a long kiss, using their shared passion to express everything they couldn’t put into words.

For a long while the sound of the crackling flames and their shared movements filled the room, until eventually it quieted to the even breathing of the two men as they slowly slid into sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed it!


	3. The Future

Right on schedule Finn’s internal clock alerted him to when it was 0400 hours, the same as it did every day. It was a deeply trained but one of his less worrisome habits he wasn’t in a hurry to break. Normally when he awoke on his own at this time, he simply adjusted whatever position he had fallen asleep in to tuck, pull or roll closer to Poe until he was more awake. Eventually he would become restless and would silently slip out of bed to start his day with a long workout, but until then he felt no need to rush into action as he had once been forced to do back when he was younger. Instead, he cherished those quiet, early morning moments he got to share with Poe without worry for danger or meetings or duties hours away.

So this morning, when he woke to his internal alarm buzzing the time, he habitually and blearily reached out to adjust himself to wherever Poe had ended up, he was surprised to find an empty space beside him.

For a quick moment panic surged through his body, causing him to become immediately awake. He was in an unfamiliar place, naked, and there was no Poe. It only took a second for last night’s memories catch up, but that didn’t answer the question as to where his wayward lover was. Poe was often still asleep when he came back from his run or weight session, and was barely even starting to begin the process of crawling out of bed as Finn exited the ‘Fresher. Even then he didn’t speak a word until Finn had shoved a fresh cup of caf into his hands, and normally afterwards it was a mumbled thanks followed by the barest hint of a kiss on his neck, shoulder or cheek.

In an instant Finn was standing, stepping quick and neatly out of the mess of blankets and pillows on the floor with the training of a light footed soldier. As he began to assess his surroundings he nearly sagged in relief when he saw Poe on the other side of the room, sitting in front of the large windows overlooking the bustling city. The hues of mixed pink and yellow stretched across the sky like a half finished canvas signaling the coming dawn.

“Poe.” Finn breathed out as he reached down and grabbed a blanket from their makeshift bed. He walked over to Poe who had turned to regard him with a sleepy smiled. He was only in his Resistance issued standard black boxer-briefs and when Finn sat next to him he could see goosebumps on his tan skin. “You must be freezing.” Finn exclaimed and quickly wrapped his lover up in his blanket, tucking him close to his body to warm him up.

“I’m fine.” Poe said, which was a lie since Finn could feel Poe’s bare skin against his, and it was like ice. Finn quickly wrapped his hands around Poe’s mid-section and dragged him onto his lap, running his hands up and down Poe’s arms and sides to help warm him up.

“I’m fine baby.” Poe said, laughing a bit. “Really.”

Finn regarded Poe’s face, and saw how tired he looked. “Did you even sleep last night?”

“Of course.” Poe answered. When Finn gave him a disbelieving look Poe rolled his eyes and said, “Okay a little bit.” He bit his lip and looked out over the city.

“What’s up?” Finn asked, running a comforting hand over the fabric covering Poe’s hip.

Poe sighed and turned back to Finn, “Last night was amazing.”

Finn nodded in agreement, “Best night of my life.”

“I want us to have a million more like it.” Poe whispered sweetly, running a hand along Finn’s neck to pull him close so he could tuck his face into Finn’s neck, breathing in deep.

“We will.” Finn answered, wrapping his hands around Poe’s midsection tight. When Poe remained silent Finn reached up and laced his fingers through Poe’s hair, whispering, “What’s going on in that head of yours?”

Finn could feel a puff of hot air against his neck, which he knew was either a laugh or a huff from Poe for repeating what Poe often said to him. Eventually Poe pulled back and looked into Finn’s eyes. He was quiet for a few moments before he said, “I’ve kept something from you.”

“Okay.” Finn answered slowly, not sure where this was going.

“I know I gave you a few reasons why I wanted to take you to Anchal’s last night, but there was one reason I held back.” Poe said, his voice quiet and face hard to read.

“Okay.” Finn said again, “Enlighten me.”

“Did you ever wonder why Anchal, who has official Republic Naval training and also served in the Navy with me, now works in a crappy restaurant with surprisingly good food?”

Finn shrugged. “I’m assuming whatever the reason, it was his choice?”

“He’s there…because of me. Anchal can’t fly anymore, and it’s my fault.”

“I find that hard to believe.” Finn answered with narrowed eyes.

Poe sighed and slid off Finn’s lap. Finn frowned at that but kept his arms around Poe’s waist when he felt Poe try to pull away.

“Look…I-I’ll explain. It was a couple years into our service after we first started. I was still riding high off of knowing we were all some hot shot pilots working for the New Republic. I took stupid risks, thinking I was a better pilot than everyone else cause I’d been riding wings since I was treading ground.”

He ran his hands through his hair, unable to look Finn in the eyes. “That mindset all went to hell soon enough though when a stupidly easy job got botched by some space pirates showing up where they shouldn’t have been. I got cocky and went after them through a large cluster of space debris, wanting to add another notch to my arrest records. Anchal followed so I’d have backup. He always did that. Not just for me, everyone. Best backup I’d had until Jess. I just-I never thought the pirate I was chasing would have backup either. Snuck attack me from below and nearly shot me down, but Anchal took the hit. I saw his plane spiral but lost sight of it in the debris. I had just enough fuel to get me landed on the closest planet I could get to, but I was stranded and it took me almost two days to find a town, carrying BB-8 the whole way thinking it was completely dead.”

He paused again, lost in the memory. Finn rubbed his arm gently to bring him back. “I commandeered a vessel as soon as I laid eyes on one and shot back into space to find Anchal.” He ran a hand across his mouth, swallowing before he shakily continued, “Anchal was alive, of course, but his plane was tucked in between two tons of twisted metal. He saved his power to give him enough ox and barely enough heat to keep him alive, hoping against hope someone would come back for him. Towed his plane back to the closest floating Navy base I could find. Everyone thought we were dead. If I were-if I hadn’t gone back for him-” Poe gave an almost lethargic shrug, but Finn could see the regret burning in his eyes, “After that, Anchal never flew again. Got panic attacks every time he was behind the wheel. The last time Anchal was in a plane was when I flew him to this planet. To his place to start over.” He gave a humorless laugh, “Least I could do right? He-he didn’t even blame me. Never once gave me grief over it.” He turned to Finn, “Even thanked me for saving him. Like I wasn’t the one who nearly got him killed in the first place.” He turned back to the window, unable to face his lover for another moment as the shame of this memory swirled around him. “I visit when I can. Not only because he was my friend, or because I miss him, but because I don’t want him to think that he’s still been left behind.”          

Finn was quiet for a moment, taking in the information Poe had just given him. Despite their varied backgrounds, one solid common factor bound them together: they were soldiers. Finn didn’t have the official field experience that Poe had, but he had been trained since birth to understand the risks that came with real life dangers and risks. He sympathized with Poe, and knew this was something that must have been difficult for him to share. He knew there was nothing he could say to make Poe feel better, that this was a difficult burden he carried, and for some reason had decided to trust Finn with knowing it.

“Why are you telling me this?” Finn finally asked.

Poe dragged his eyes up to Finn, looking at him with the most serious expression Finn had ever seen on him, “I take risks, still, you know that. You know that I have to, to do what I do. But not stupid ones. Not anymore.” Under the blankets he blindly grabbed Finn’s arm, then slid down to grasp his hand. “I never thought Anchal would survive without riding through stars, but he is. I can’t believe it, but he’s doing it. So I can only ask you this once Finn, because I don’t know if I can ask you it again. But you deserve for me to ask you this.”

“Ask me what?” Finn said quietly, lost as to where this conversation was going.

Poe shifted so his body was facing Finn’s, and lifted his hands as he quietly asked, “Finn. Do you want to run away with me? From the war? The Resistance and First Order? From all of it? Just…start over somewhere where no one knows us and we can just be-free?”

Finn’s entire body froze in surprise at Poe’s words. He knew his mouth had fallen open somewhere in Poe’s barrage of questions, and hadn’t a clue how to fill that gaping hole with words.

Poe continued on, “My father taught me that if you’re going to do something, do it all the way. And while he lived by that, at some point he eventually had to stop and let the world move on without him. You know when he did that? When he wanted to be with my mom. With me. Be with his family.” Poe shook his head. “I want to be with you Finn, more than anything. You’re my family just as much as my father and mother are. But-you’ve never had a choice in how you could live your life. First with the Order, then falling into the Resistance.” Finn opened his mouth to protest but Poe cut him off, “I know you choose to stay with the Resistance, but let’s face it.” He paused to let a small smirk grace his features, “I might have had a little bit to do with that decision right?”

Finn looked away and blushed a bit as he mumbled, “A bit.”

Poe smiled a little wider at Finn’s admission, but that smile soon fell as he continued to speak, “And you knew that choosing me also meant choosing a group of crazy ass Resistances fighters who were hell bent on destroying something you’re afraid off. Even though you hate the Order, no one would have blamed you for not taking arms. For not fighting alongside them.” Poe sighed. “And no one would blame us for walking away Finn. A lot of people already have.”

“And if we stay with the Resistance?” Finn asked. “What would be so wrong with that?”

Poe was quiet for a moment, then leaned his forehead on Finn’s shoulder, his voice slightly muffled as he answered. “War’s going to get a lot worse before it gets better Finn. Those risks I was talking about? I’m not always going to have a handsome Stormtrooper to save my ass when there’s no other way out.”

It finally clicked what Poe was trying to say. Finn turned and pulled Poe closer to him, their foreheads now resting together, an act Finn knew comforted Poe as much as it did for him. “Lifespan’s a lot longer when you’re not spending all your time pissing off the guys with the big guns. Right?”

Poe remained silent and just nodded.

“You sure about this?” Finn asked, “What you’re offering? You’ve nearly given your life dozens of times for the Resistance. Could you live with yourself if you walked away when they still needed you?”

Poe pulled back and looked into Finn’s eyes, reaching up a tentative hand to caress Finn’s cheek. “They’re going to be pointing those big guns at you again soon.” He whispered, and his eyes trembled like his hands when he spoke.

“Then it’s a good thing I’ve spent my life learning how to dodge them.” Finn answered, taking Poe’s shaking hand and kissing it still. He looked back up at Poe, “I will admit that it’s no secret anymore that a big reason for me staying with the Resistance was so that I could be with you. Friend, cohab, brother-in-arms, whatever. I wanted to be near you, though I never would have thought that it would have led here.” He glanced around at their entwined bodies encased by a soft blanket warmed by their body heat. “But I did make a decision about my future Poe. Yeah I chose you, but I choose the Resistance when I choose to go back for Rey on Starkiller. I knew what that decision mean the moment I made it.” Finn shrugged, but he beamed up at Poe, “As much as I wanted to be with you, I wouldn’t have stayed to fight with your crazy ass Resistance fighters if I didn’t agree with what they were fighting for in the first place. I at least learned that much about myself from being with the Order.”

Finn knew Poe was weighing every word he said, trying to find any hesitation or untruth. He just continued on. “If you truly want to leave the Resistance to start a new life away from the war, I’ll follow you wherever you want to go and won’t look back. But if you’re only asking me to leave with you for my sake, to give me a chance at something I’ve never had, then I can’t agree to that.” He shook his head, “I know the Order. And if they aren’t stopped there’s no corner of the galaxy we’ll be able to hide in long before they’ll find us.” He reached up and ran a comforting hand along Poe’s arm, but his eyes burned with fierce sincerity. “I think deep down you know that too.”

A mix of emotions that Finn couldn’t read filtered through Poe’s face. “I want to build a life with you.” Poe eventually whispered.    

“Isn’t that what we’re already doing?” Finn smiled as he asked. “I’m no expert on the right way to live a life, but I think being together and fighting with the Resistance is where we’re supposed to be right now.” He shrugged. “Wouldn’t even know where to begin living a civilian life really.” Finn finished with a small laugh.

“I’d show you how. Wasn’t always a soldier you know.” Poe answered with a mirrored laugh.

“Right.” Finn said rolling his eyes, “Except I wouldn’t trust a word out of your mouth. It’d probably be a lot of letting you fly us all over the galaxy wherever you please and then me ending up without clothes on most of the time for one crazy reason or another.”

“That,” Poe began, then quirked his mouth in an amused smirk, “is most likely true.” He sighed, “We stay, there’s no guarantee we’ll make it to the end of the war.” He paused, “If there ever will be one.”

“I know.” Finn answered. “But I think there’s something to be said for your father’s advice on seeing something important through to the end.” He leaned forward to give Poe a small kiss. “There is at least one thing in my life I’m intending to see through till the day I die.” He whispered as he pulled back, looking into Poe’s eyes.

Poe’s breath caught in his throat and he had to swallow down the sudden surge of emotions threating to spill out from the inside. Once again Finn surprised him with an unexpected ability to show understanding and compassion Poe had once thought incapable of anyone who served the Order. Poe knew that Finn had a lot of parts to him that were seriously affected by the Order, but how he survived their upbringing with his integrity and capacity for love was forever a mystery to him.

“Same.” Poe finally hissed out, taking another swallow to steady his voice. “The same here. I never want to let you go.”

Finn turned towards the windows, finally noticing that the rising dawn had shifted into early morning sunlight. He turned back to Poe and sighed, “Going to have to let me go eventually. We’ll need to head back to base soon.”  

Poe looked towards the windows for a brief moment as well before turning back to Finn. He shifted his body so that he could gently rise, grasping Finn’s hand to pull him standing as well. “True. But,” he nodded towards their makeshift bed, “we don’t have to exactly rush. Aren’t needed back till later today anyway.”

Finn smiled salaciously, “Also I believe I owe you a thanks for last night.” He started tugging Poe towards the fire by their bed.

“Well, far be it for me to deny you offering your gratitude.” Poe said, following where Finn led. He laughed as Finn tugged him back onto the mess of pillows and blankets, allowing himself to relax after their tense conversation.

Poe knew he would see his path with the Resistance though, as long as Finn was by his side. He trusted Finn’s judgement, his decision to stay, and would do everything in his power to make sure Finn never regretted it.

As he pulled Finn down to meet his lips for another kiss, he silently made a promise that if they were going to truly build a life together within the Resistance, it would be one worth fighting for. Worth coming home to from the missions, the battles, the danger.

Finn pulled back and whispered an, “I love you,” into Poe’s ear before beginning to kiss a steady course downwards, causing the man beneath to shudder.

And, most especially, a loving life worth living for.

**Author's Note:**

> Shout out to everyone who has commented, Kudos or bookmarked my series! Thank you for your support!


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